yeah sorry. I didn't want to make one of these pages again but I kinda have nowhere else to write, and I cant write to anyone since I don't want to stress them out or annoy them.
I feel like things are slowly getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. No matter what I say or do involving my sister or mom, it always ends in a fight when it doesn't need to be.
I feel so alone, they refuse to admit that they're wrong or even hurting me at all. I'm always the problem, and maybe that's true, but I can't be sure. Why do they get along so well. I want to smile with you too.
I got a reading from a friend and it talked about judgement, it basically said that there were toxic or arrogant/narcissistic people in my life and I needed to tell someone
or figure out how to go about it/someone is trying to get somewhere without putting work into it, which is causing sadness and anger.
and...honestly..Thats exactly my situation. I went up to my mom and sister to vaguely tell them about the reading I got since they do readings too,
but all they wanted to tell me was
that my friends were wrong, I was wrong, that my friends are "pulling cards without knowing the meaning" and nobody in my life is toxic. that doesn't make sense though,
I barely talk to this friend of mine, and I sure as hell never told them about my situation, and they got it perfectly. I guess I know what the reading means now lol. I realized that anytime I bring up being bothered
by something my mom and sister do, they always bring it back to "you're living a great life, we're not manipulative, you got that word from your friends, do you REALLY think we'd lie to you?" they're never wrong.
They always make excuses for the things they do,
and if i ever accidentally do those same things, I have no excuse and it's not okay. I keep saying this over and over again, but I don't know what to do anymore.
I've really tried for them, but I'm slowly getting to the point where
I really don't want to do anything but sleep. When I sleep, I have irl friends, places to go, everyone is getting along
without feeling "out of character", I get to be who I want to be and do everything I've always wanted to do.
I'm really sad all the fucking time, and I know that sounds edgy and everyone else says that,
but I literally have nobody to go to. I don't tell anybody about my problems anymore because it always leads to the same outcome.
"i'm sorry, i hope u feel better soooon! !!!"
I know it's genuine, and really does come from the heart, but that's the only thing I hear. I might be asking for too much, but I just want to finally feel better.
I don't know, nothing ever changes. I'm glad that I have online friends that have been by my side for as long as I can remember, but I wish I had someone to GO TO when things are getting really tough, like now.
I feel like i'm not really being listened to anymore. I remember when I was really young, if I had a problem with anything, i'd be listened to and the problem would be fixed. what happened.
I feel like recently, i've only been talking to myself. It's like i'm in an empty, dark room, with multiple of me, all representing my emotions and different opinions that I constantly argue with myself.